Post by Trevor Williams on Mar 20, 2012 20:33:46 GMT -8
Following Reminiscing.
Evie Winslow, Velda Harris = Summer
Amie Steward = Allie
Casey Winslow, Voldemort = Me
Fr, Sept. 1, 2000
Where the bloody hell was his wife? Casey had arranged a day for them to go out if they so wished, sent Julian off with his mum and all that, and then he’d gone to look for her. It appeared either she didn’t wish to be found or she was in fact not at the school today. Of course it might have helped if he had told her about it beforehand, but still. He'd searched the school, and it seemed that either he was being avoided or just had the bad luck to end up not being in the same place she was. Finally, he'd given up and gone outside to the main courtyard, trying to decide whether to go down to Hogsmeade, see if she was there. He honestly didn't want to go all the way down there for nothing, but maybe, if he stood a chance at finding her there....
He walked over to the main gate, getting stopped by a few students who were wanting to talk about grades on some test that they didn't think were fair. Letting out a sigh, he began the all too familiar debate with them.
Evie was walking near the forest again, waiting for Voldemort to call her again. Her mark was starting to burn but it wasn’t anything that signaled urgency to get to her lord right away. She gave a heavy sigh, she had been avoiding everyone since she was branded a Death Eater the previous night. She hadn’t even seen Casey, which was probably a good thing because she was still confused on what to think about him, weather to believe Voldemort...He was a liar, murderer, just plain heartless, but he did offer to help her….But Casey was her friend for 7 years, her lover for 6, husband for 5, confidant...She just didn’t know what to do. She spotted a group of students not far from her and heard them arguing about some sort of test, until she heard ‘Defense’ thrown into the mix and knew they were talking to Casey. Evie didn’t want him to see her, she wasn’t so sure what she would do to him at the moment. She was still angry, hurt, confused. She turned around and started walking the way she came, trying to get as far away from him as she could until she was stopped by her own group of students…Just great
"I’m sorry, but I don’t have time right now, stop by my office later if you have questions"
she told them, trying to push her way past them
Casey caught a glimpse of his wife, looking back to his students and then back to her, noticing her starting to go the other way, pushing her way through her own student group. Was she trying to avoid him? "Pardon me, but I've got something I need to do. Come to my office tomorrow after class, alright?"
Groans ensued, but Casey made his way through the group, taking off at a bit of a jog after her. "Evie! Hey, Eves! Wait up!" he called after her. He couldn't understand her, walking the other way. What? Was there something he'd said that had offended her? Something that had got her angrier than he figured it would? If so, he'd apologize, but he hadn't realized, if he had. He kept up his jog, hoping to catch up with her.
Evie continued walking when she heard him call after her, making her way toward a small opening in the trees of the forest. That was her only safe haven now; soon this school wouldn’t have anything for her. She heard his footsteps getting closer saying "leave me alone Casey" once he was close enough to hear her, she didn’t bother to turn around, just kept walking
"What's wrong, Evie?" he asked, hearing her tell him to leave her alone. Well, she should know him well enough. When he thought something was bothering her, he sure wouldn't leave her alone until he at least knew what it was. He sped up a little so he was just a few feet behind her, slowing down and matching her pace. "If something's wrong, let me at least try to help...I know you don't like getting me involved half the time, but we're supposed to. Last time...." He let out a sigh, shaking his head. "I don't want things to end up again like they did before."
”It’s to late for that” she thought in her mind but wouldn’t say it out loud, because then he would want to know what she meant, and she couldn’t very well tell him that she joined with Voldemort, not only would that violate her deal with him, but also Casey would prevent her from going to him when ever he called and she couldn’t have that "you’ve already done enough" Evie said in a cold tone, speeding up her pace when he started walking a bit behind her
"What the hell did I do, Eves?" Casey asked, brows knitting together as he sped up his pace in an attempt to keep up with her. "I can't do anything about it unless you tell me." Why was she angry at him? He honestly couldn't recall anything they'd not already settled. She was acting as though it was something extremely major, but what was there? He'd not lied to her, not done anything she could get angry about. Women. Hard to understand no matter how nice it was to be around certain ones.
"It’s to late to do anything now, that time has come and gone" he didn’t know what he was getting himself into, if he kept provoking her she was going to go off on him and Evie didn’t care if it was in front of students or not
"Evie..." he said, trying to figure out what the heck to say or do, going over his actions the past few weeks with a fine-toothed comb. "What did I do?" Maybe it was a good thing he'd sent Julian off to be with his grandparents for the day. They obviously had a problem they needed ot sort out that he didn't know they had. And why the heck was she going deeper and deeper into this stupid forest, the one that held so many bad memories for the both of them?
"GO AWAY Casey!" she said, this time stopping her walking and turning around. Her eyes narrowed in a cold glare "if you know what’s good for you, you will leave me alone!" she snapped at him, looking up and seeing confusion written all over his face, stupid git, he knew what he did, he just wasn’t expecting her to find out
"I'm not going to leave you, not until you tell me what the hell is wrong. I can't think of a single thing I've done that would make you this angry. So, what is it? What did I do? I'd rather talk about it than ignore it. I'm not letting you go. That week without you was the most difficult week of my life, the time away from you during Quidditch. I'm not losing you, not without one hell of a fight. Tell me, what the hell I'm supposed to have done?!" Casey was beyond confused, utterly bewildered. What had put him in the proverbial dog house now?
Evie closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath to steady herself her features softening a bit. She was so confused now, his words…She didn’t know what to think, but then he brought up Quidditch and she returned her glare "Oh yes, Quidditch, I’m sure I was really missed…Tell me Casey, just how many were there?! Please, indulge me because I would love to know!"
Casey was about to let out a sigh of relief when he noticed her features soften. Apparently he'd said something to help matters, but then her glare returned. What the heck was wrong? His brows knitted together again as he looked at her in confusion, listening to her words, their meaning not registering at first. Blankly, he repeated, How many were there? glancing down at the ground as though it would give him the answer to what on earth his wife meant. "How many what? Women?! Is that what you're meaning?" he asked, looking up at her again, his face a mixture of emotions: confused, hurt, shocked.
He fought back the urge to say, 'I think you've finally gone off your rocker.' That wouldn't help matters at all, but he didn't know what the hell to say to her. Her words felt worse to him than her just giving him a good left hook could possibly ever feel. They cut into him like a dagger. "How could you think such a thing?! There was never anyone besides you and you know that. Why--what--how--?"
He let out a sigh, eyes leaving her for the ground at the moment. He didn't know what to feel. Right now, anger was sounding pretty good, but yelling her head off would only come across as defensive. He felt flustered, and that always made him feel annoyed. But right now, he sort of wished the ground would open up and eat him alive It sounded rather good to him, but he knew he had to deal with this. Whoever or whatever had given her this foolhardy idea needed to be dealt with immediately.
He let his eyes wander slowly back to her face as he spoke.
"Evie, you know me...better than my parents. We've always been so close. Why the hell would you think I'd seek something from some other woman who means nothing to me? I love you, Evie, and no one else, and I wouldn't ever be stupid enough to do something to jeopardize that. I learned my lesson that one time, that living without you is unbearable."
It was getting more and more difficult to keep his voice steady. He felt like slapping some sense into her, but violence was never the answer, and it certainly wouldn't do anything to get him out of the doghouse for something he'd not even done. Sure, no telling what could have happened that night he'd left her and got as drunk as he had had the right sort of woman come along and taken advantage of the situation (and given the one who had was a veela, he was definitely very glad John had come along. no tellilng what he'd have done under her charm.), but thankfully that hadn't happened. He'd lucked out any time he'd been drunk to have either a friend or some nice person to talk to.
The mark on her arm started to burn a bit more but Evie ignored it. She was to damned confused to care about anything else. Didn’t Voldemort tell her that Casey was unfaithful, that he took advantage of the time that he was away…But here Casey stood before her telling her that he would never think of doing that to her, that he loved her and only her, and deep down Evie knew that but she let herself listen to Voldemort, let herself believe him. "But he said…" Evie’s voice began to break, what had she done, what did she get herself into.
"Who said?" Casey asked, taking a step towards her, bringing her chin up. He heard her voice begin to break, and he wanted answers before she completely broke down. Whoever did this needed to pay. He felt about ready to punch someone's face in if he got the chance. Someone was after his wife for one reason or another, and he wanted answers and wanted them now, not later.
Evie felt her chin being lifted until she was forced to look at the hurt in Casey's face. He wanted to know who it was, she couldnt tell him the truth not with the pact she had with Voldemort and Evie still wasnt sure who to believe..She didnt know what to do anymore
"No" she said pulling away from him and taking a step back
Casey let his hand fall back to his side when she pulled away from him, swallowing to steady his voice that he felt would be shaky if he tried to speak. So, she was believing this mysterious person over him, was she? He wanted to drive home a point, something that would make her realize how foolish she was being.
"So, you're trusting a lie some bastard told you over me? I can see where your loyalty lies, with some other person, some other man. Just going to let seven years go down the drain just like that? This is it, over just like this...just like our relationship never meant anything to you, to let it go over something like this, some lie. Damn it, Evie!"
He shook his head, his face stern, stoic, trying to hide the hurt that still somehow always managed to show through his eyes. "I loved you, still do, but if this is how you want it....if you don't trust me, don't even want to come back and give me Veritaserum/i] or something, then so be it. I just can't believe you'd let us go so easily, that you won't even try to work things out, at least for Julian's sake."
Evie looked at the ground as he spoke. She didn’t want them to be over, she still loved him but she couldn’t tell him what was going on. Especially here in the forest, they needed somewhere no one else could find them or walk in on them
"Casey, you don’t understand, I cant tell you" she said looking up at him, putting emphasis on the word cant and making small references to the forest with her eyes and hands, hoping he would pick up on something
"Oh, I under--" he started before her motions and emphasis on the word 'can't' set in. "And why the bloody hell not? There's nothing alive in this forest, no student will dare approach it with Carter being the way she is." He wasn't about to get his hopes up, not when he felt more hurt than he ever thought possible. He wasn't going to get them up and then let them be crushed again. It would kill him. He wanted to be alone to think, to try to figure this out, to mull over their actions the past few days, weeks, months, try to find some hint that led to this, some action he'd done that made her believe this person's bloody lies, but it appeared she wasn't going to give him the chance. She wanted to torture him more.
Evie looked around hoping to Merlin that Nagini wasn’t anywhere near before walking up to Casey and grabbing his arm, apparating them both to their home, pushing him down in a chair once they arrived just shut up and listen alright! she said before he could give any objection. "Casey, you don’t understand what your doing…What your getting yourself into. This is the only way to keep Julian safe, I have to do this…"
Casey submitted to being pushed down onto the chair, a little shocked from the sudden apparition he'd not had much of a chance to prepare for. He listened to her. When was she going to start making sense?! She needed to before he decided to come to the conclusion that all these years she'd been speaking some other language and it was a miracle that he'd been able to understand what he had.
"Well, maybe I'd be able to understand if you'd let me in instead of keeping me out of everything! And who is there to threaten our son? I need to know, if I'm going to help keep him safe. And what the hell do you 'have to do'?" Casey replied, not caring how many questions he was shooting at her. He was tired of this. He felt like she was holding some big secret from him now, some horrible secret, and he was getting tired of how long he was having to wait to find it out.
"I cant tell you Casey, dont you get that?! If I tell you anything I risk putting Julian in danger" Evie said, starting to grow annoyed with him now, she knew she didnt have the right to be but he wasnt making this any easier for her
"Look, I swear, I won't go after whoever it is, if you just tell me." He was trying for anything, even if it meant ignoring his gut instinct to pummel whoever it was into the ground for causing his wife grief and bringing a threat to their son.
Evie ran a frustrated hand through her hair, taking in a shaky breath and slowly letting it out, trying to figure out the best way to say what he wanted to know. Anything she said to him could somehow get back to Voldemort, she promised him complete loyalty in exchange for Julian’s safety, and here she was already breaking that, not even a day after his orders. And if he somehow found out that she told Casey, weather it by means of rumor or by using Occulmency against her then Julian would be in danger
"You don’t get it do you? If I say anything to anyone and he somehow finds out, your family and our son are as good as dead! I gave my services in exchange for their safety" Evie fought back to urge to scratch her arm where the dark mark was burning. Maybe if she showed him the mark, let that speak for it’s self that way she wouldn’t have to explain anything to him. He would know who it was without her saying it, but that would be a last resort if he didn’t piece things together on his own
Casey mulled over what she was saying and shook his head. There was only one person she could be talking about in his mind, but then there were other sicko men out there of whom that could be said and meant in a completely different way. Voldemort was dead. There was no way she could have joined him. What? Was Draco Malfoy trying to pull something here? He was one of the few Death Eaters he knew were out of Azkaban. But even Draco would know not to mess with Casey directly or indirectly through idle threats to his family, especially after the fact that he'd been able to defeat pretty much anything thrown at him. And besides that, why would Draco want Evie? Sure, she was pretty, nice enough, he could see all the things that any other man might see in Evie, but still, to sink that low? He would think that beneath someone of Draco's social standings. But, if he was desperate enough. Who the hell is it, Evie? "Who the hell is it? Just tell me and we'll deal with this together. You know we have means to hide Julian and my family if needs be."
Evie placed her hand on her forehead and closed her eyes, letting out a sigh. She had to show him. Bringing her hand down from her head Evie let it rest at her side for a time before slowly pulling up the sleave of her left arm to reveal what looked like her unmarked wrist. Evie took her right hand and waved it over the spot where she was branded to reveal the skull and snake tattoo "it's to late for that...." she said quietly, slowly looking up at Casey. Trying her best to keep her eyes on him but she found that extremly dificult at the moment
Casey could throttle Voldemort's throat if the man was standing before him, but now he was even more confused. He wanted to be angry at Evie for believing the man's stupid lies, but at the same time he wanted to tell her everything would be fine, that they'd work through this. He shook his head, not wanting to believe this. It was their first year teaching all over except this time they would have to do more to keep it together, having their son involved, this time she wasn't a spy for the Order as he had been; she was probably a spy for Voldemort. "Why, Evie? Why did you believe him? Why did you let him talk you into this?"
He took a deep breath, slowly letting it out, trying his best to keep his temper under control. They needed to work through this, not have him yelling at her, but that was harder than it seemed. He lowered his eyes from the hideous mark that he'd hated so much when he'd had it. He couldn't understand this! Didn't she think that the Order would hide their son, protect him? Didn't she think the Order could do the same for his family? But mostly, why had she had such little faith and trust in him that she could believe that he'd gone and slept with another, or several other women. It was beyond his comprehension, and here he'd thought everything had been fine, that they'd finally been leading a normal life. He should have known 'normal' and 'fine' just weren't destined to be in their vocabulary.
Evie looked at his feet, it was better than looking at his peircing eyes. Why did she allow him to talk her into this? It all seemed so clear to her before, but now she could see just what a disaster this all was
"He caught me off guard in the forest the other night, I wasnt able to get my minds defense up quick enough and he got in, deeper than anyone has ever been, brought forth things that I've kept locked away from everyone...He knew just what to say to get me angry, just what to say to get me near the point of breakdown and thats what he did. He broke me down and built me back up with anger...It all seemed so simple, the Order wouldnt hurt Julian, they would protect him becaue of you, and the Death Eaters would stay away from him because of me."
she dared to bring her eyes up to meet his, almost recoiling from his harsh gaze but she didnt. Evie kept her emotions under control for the most part now
"If I promised my full loyalty to Voldemort, he would spare your famlies life, would keep Julian out of the war. I needed to make sure our son had a palce to go if....Something were to happen to one or both of us"
"Don't you get it, Evie? He may have promised safety to Julian, but he didn't promise it to you, to either one of us. He'll go after you, get you out of the picture now. It's how he works. If he feels you're not getting him what he needs, then he'll get rid of you faster than you have a chance to think 'Protego.' You can't go back to him. We'll have to put you into hiding, you, Julian, my family. Because, don't you understand? Now that you've pointed out who's important to you, he'll go after them. Damn it, Evelyn, why did you let those emotions of your get in the way?"
He stood from his chair, walking over to her and grabbing hold of her wrist. "Come on, we've got to call an Order meeting. They'll hate me for it after all these years without meetings, but who cares? He's back and we've got to deal with it and we've got to take care of you and Julian. I'll leave him at mum and dad's til after the meeting and then it's straight into hiding with the both of you."
Evie knew he was more than mad at her by the way he said her name, but he didnt understand "Let my emotions get in the way!" Evie yelled at him, yanking her wrist away from his grip "wernt you the one that acted on emotions when you joined?! You didnt even put any thoguht into it, none what so ever and you jumped at the opturnity! You can put Julian and your family into hiding, but I will not hide!"
Evie looked at her husband with a stone cold glare "Casey he has no followers left, besides Draco and his gang of idiots! I'm of more value to him than you think...I can feed him false information about the Order. If you bring this to the Order then I am as good as dead, I made the mistake of telling you, but you will not bring this up to them! Tell them that he's back, but leave me out of it!"
"Don't you have any clue what went through my head?! I knew what I was getting myself into, and I knew no one else was going to do it. I knew it wouldn't protect you from harm, not when I didn't have any bargaining power with him, not when I sought him out. Besides, this is different! At least I was doing it for something useful. I knew the Order could be helped if I did my job right, and feeding him false information isn't going to keep him satisfied. He'll catch on. He likely has more followers than you think. He knows how to work people, and that's what he did with you, yet you let him get to you like that. Damn it! I need to clear my head, and we are telling the Order. He's had three years in some form or another to deal with any flaws he could have in his plan, and you know as well as I that he utilized them. He'll do things without other people knowing about them. For all we know, he could have put a bug on you.
"Evie, we dealt with this before. You had to have known what we'll be going through. And if you think telling me was a mistake, then so be it. I already know how little you trust me now, believing a senile, idiotic coward over me, over any instinct you had to the contrary!" He threw himself down into an arm chair, leaning forward and resting his face in his hands, chewing at the sides of his mouth, more like biting them, trying to keep himself from bursting or letting things out as his voice had begun to hint towards the end. He hated this. I can't do this, not again, he added quietly, not bothering to look up at her.
"Then you take Julian and go, keep him safe but I cant, not now. It's to late to change what I've done Casey. Yes I let him get to me, yes I felt anger toward you and Fleur and joining him to keep our son safe sounded like a good idea. You may think that I've failed you as a wife, but I will not fail my son as his mother. I will do what ever I can to keep him safe, and if this is the way then so be it."
She let out a agitated sigh, looking over at Casey and hearing his words, barely
"Casey, I love you, you know that. And just because I had a feeling of doubt however small it may be, locked away in my mind does not mean that I dont trust you or love you any less. I was friends with all the guys in school, you know this. And I know how they are, how they think, what they would say when their girlfriends wernt around, the things they would talk about doing, think about doing....And that will forever be planted in my mind, and he found that and exploited one of my biggest fears...Let me deal with my stupidy, running from him will only make things worse"
"And staying with him will get you killed," Casey answered back, glancing up at her momentarily, trying to decide whether or not to ignore what she said about her guy friends. What good would it do? Admitting that that time with Fleur could have gone further had she not come and punched the half-veela would only get her mad, even though that was a long time ago. Admitting that he'd let his eyes wander a few times when they were dating wouldn't accomplish anything in his favor. Besides, it was in the past, something he couldn't take back and undo.
He let out a sigh. This day was turning out far from what he'd been hoping it would. "I can't lose you, not to him, but if you were so easily persuaded to believe I did something so foolish, I've already lost you." He swallowed, letting his hands cover his face again. He didn't want to deal with this, not right now after all they'd been through. He hadn't even thought they'd have to deal with this. It had never crossed his mind.
"You will never lose me to something like that, no matter how upset I might get, I would never leave you. I love you to much" She walked over and sat on the couch, turning to face him "Casey you have to promise me that you will keep Julian safe. Even from me, that if for some reason I come to get him do not let me take him because it would be a trap."
Evie looked down at the floor staying silent for awhile before speaking again "I know I screwed up, betrayed the Order, my friends, myself, and most importanly; I betrayed you by not trusting you, and I am so sorry. I know asking for forgiveness is not my place at the moment, but just know that I love you" she looked up and over at Casey not knowing what else they could possibly do now, thanks to her
"Evie, I can't give up living, fighting, and our son needs one of us there or he'll get scared. If we let him just stay with even mum and dad, he's going to get worried. If you don't go into hiding...what if he has you kill one of us, hurt one of us? What if he has you put us in a situation where our only option is to kill you, where it's either all of us or you? I can't lose you to death or to doubt. I need to know you'll both be safe, that we won't end up in that situation. I had to deal with that fear for months, even after I recovered, I knew I'd have to deal with it again, and I did, and I can't do this again, can't go through it. I'm strong, but I don't know that I can be that strong. I'm tired of this, of fighting, always fighting. One of these days one of us might die in battle, and I won't be surprised if Voldemort does everything in his power to have it at the hand of the other, to prove that love really is worthless. I can't let you or any of us be placed in that situation. Please, Eves, for the sake of our son just go into hiding. He needs you. You always were strong, always who he couldn't wait to see. Remember that day in the Room of Requirements? If I lose you, Evie, there will be plenty more like that, and you know I'm no good at being a father, at being able to deal with those situations without yelling...please, just let us hide you, protect you from him, get rid of that mark. He needs you, Eves, I need you..."
He let out another sigh, looking up at her again, trying to force his face to be passive, stoic, unfeeling, but it was difficult.
Evie looked down once again, boy he always had a way with his speeches, it wasnt that she didnt feel bad enough. This was her fault, all of it and Casey wanted to lock her away again like they did last time. Last time she didnt have magic, last time she couldnt fight but she sure as hell could this time.
"Casey..I just cant go into hiding, I cant sit back and watch you all get hurt..killed...I cant do that again, not being able to do anything. This is my fault, I need to fix it. What if the Order needs another spy, who would do it? You couldnt do it again, Voldemort would kill you on the spot. John, Serena, Ginny, Fred, George, Sam, Lucy...They couldnt do it becuase he would know something is up. I'm the only one that can....The only one on the inside that would be able to get any kind of information."
Evie brought her eyes up and looked at him, sniffling to hold in the vast range of emotion that wanted to come pouring out "Casey your a fantastic father, dont ever think your not...But he needs a father just as much as he needs mum."
She sighed this wasnt going to get them anywhere let me stay until "I can at least gather something, something about a attack or what hes after now. Then, after I get that and report it back to the Order, then I'll go into hiding if that is what you want."
"And you think you're going to be able to do something besides stand back and watch us be killed or hurt?! If there's a battle, Evie, you'll have to, might even have to do it yourself. And, if for one moment you hesitate..." He shook his head. "You're not staying. You can't. It may be selfish, but I'm not losing you. I came too close to that too many times before, and I'm not about to do so again. If one of us have to harm you in battle, if you have to end up in the hospital...Julian won't be able to understand, and I won't be able to explain. You may think I'm a good father, but I'm not. I'm not cut out for it, never was, never will be. I love him to death, but I'm not good at anything besides being there to take care of him, besides protecting him. This is a battle I need to fight, and with you already making alliances with Voldemort, you can't go and help us, not without something being triggered in his mind. He needs one of us, and we can't both fight when there's a possibility that the Order could end up not making it through this one. One of us has to be there for him, and since you're already allied with Voldemort, it's only sensible that I'm the one who fights and you're the one to be there for him."
Sensible? What the hell was that anymore? None of this was sensible, not even close. Screw sensibility. He only felt safe when there was something that made sense to him, and none of Voldemort's sudden ability to reappear made sense to him. If this guy...what if? He let out a sigh, staring at the ground as though it would give him the answer or swallow him alive, whichever it would do, he'd take. What if they'd found the way to avoid death, to bring back people from the dead? What if they could do so? Then, that brought every single Death Eater they'd thought they'd killed back, every past Death Eater, every new Death Eater.
Harry had destroyed all the Horcruxes, that was all there was to it, so he knew there had to be some other way, which was what was destroying his morale. If they'd found the key to defy death, then the world would never see the end and he felt inclined to just submit unless they killed every single Death Eater, but how was that possible if they could keep bringing back people from the dead? Unless there was some time frame?
No, there had to be some other answer. Bringing people back from the dead when they were truly dead just wasn't possible, at least not to this old Ravenclaw's knowledge, but all the same, he needed an explanation and that was what he would settle on, unfeasible though it might be and as fearful as it made him feel. He felt like any other instinct and feeling was being taken over by a prowess of aggressiveness, territorialness, protectiveness fueled by this fear he had, fear of letting go, of losing, of saying good-bye for good to someone.
But perhaps that was why he was holding onto this nonsensical way for Voldemort to have come back: hope that one of them could get this secret. Of course, bringing up his theory to others would make them all think him stark mad, so he couldn't exactly go and say it to them. They'd have to come up with a theory on their own. He wasn't about to let them send him to Mungo's Insanity Ward. He couldn't protect his wife and son from there and he'd truly go insane with worry, fear, a sense of forboding....
"What about me Casey? I can’t lose you; look what happened during that one week apart. What do you think you being gone forever would do?" Evie paused for a moment before she continued Like it or not I am the only one that would be able to do anything. I’m already on the inside…
she was starting to get angry at him, why wouldn’t he just let her at least try to get some information. Why did he always have to treat her like some innocent, defenseless, powerless child? He couldn’t protect her all the time, no matter how much he tried or how much he wanted to.
"I am sick of being treated like a child! Sick of being looked at as someone that needs the constant protection from others, sick of having to hide, or leave, or run from a battle because you don’t think I can take care of myself! Sick of having to act like a coward and run from something because you don’t think I’ll be able to handle it!"
Evie was a bit more than hot tempered now, she stood up and began pacing a little to try to calm herself
"You know Casey; you are a good father, despite what you might think. And you were cut out for this, and you could handle it…but now you sound just like your father. You sound just like him and you’re letting yourself turn into him!" That may have pushed something to far there with that statement, but he needed to see what he was doing, what he was becoming
Understanding, sympathy might have let him cave into her wishes if he were one to operate upon such things when it came to this (and if he wasn't determined not to let her persuade him), but sympathy and understanding weren't handed out on a silver platter by the Dark Lord, and he knew it. He knew that should she make one mistake, should she be caught, he wouldn't be like 'Oh, that's quite fine. Just do better next time.' Oh no, it would be 'Crucio!' if he thought he could get information out of her or 'Avada Kedavra!' when he found no use for her. She had signed on for surefire death by joining Voldemort as she had. When emotions were fueling on the service, it was sure to be something that would be messed up. If she wanted this, she had to fight for it, and he was going to fight back just as hard, be harsh, not let her get it easily. It was his and their kid's future she may be affecting by her decision. Did she really think he was going to just let her be a Death Eater and try to get around Voldemort like that?
And then, she goes and accuses him of treating her like a child! Well, he supposed since she didn't grow up with parents around in the house often and with Molly Weasley as her step-in mum half the time, he would forgive her that. She didn't know the half of it! If he was treating her like a child, she'd likely be over his knee by now for being so defiant, but she wasn't, now was she? It wasn't that he doubted her magical abilities, only it was in some strange way he couldn't quite describe. Stress had driven her powers away three years before. What if it drove them away again and she was left powerless before the Dark Lord with his knowledge? If he found out she lacked powers, it'd be him disposing of her as quick as lightning.
And what the hell? Like his father?! She'd gone too far now, too far. He couldn't find any way to pardon her that. And as though it wasn't hard enough to keep from shouting at her before, now it was even more difficult. But, he'd do his best not to yell. Yelling at her would get him nowhere, he had to remind himself. Yelling at her would make her not even listen to a word he had to said, and any chance at logic prevailing would fly out the window.
He sat silently for a few moments, staring at the floor, hands sort of cupped over his mouth and nose and elbows propped on his knees, breathing slowly, in and out, in and out, calming down, or at least attempting to do so. When he finally felt calm enough, he looked up at her, voice slightly tensed and guarded as he spoke, letting his hands fall from his face and outward past his knees. He'd ignore the comments he didn't particularly like, at least directly. He might go about an indirect approach at refuting them, but at this point in time, his little plan to be harsh, to push back, to fight her on this, to show her this wasn't going to be easy sounded equally appealing. If only he could convince himself that was the reason why he would yell at her if he ever yelled...that would take some doing.
"You know, Evie, perhaps if you stopped acting like a child and letting feelings of 'this isn't fair' fuel your argument, I might be more inclined to treat you as an adult, but when I don't find much substance behind your argument, I'm more than a little disinclined to do so. If you can't handle what little I'm saying to demean your plan, how can you or I for that matter be so sure you can handle what the Dark Lord will throw at you? He'll do far more to demean you, to kick you into submission."
He sighed, breath somewhat shaky. He hated this. He was having to go through old memories of his own time serving Voldemort in his mind, and he had avoided that at all costs, even had considered getting someone to adapt his memory somehow. He at times still woke up sweaty from a nightmare, even when he had thought Voldemort dead. Now, with him alive, he dreaded sleeping tonight, especially knowing Evie had signed on as a Death Eater.
"I know what he's like far more than you do, and I know you aren't one to follow rules blindly. He expects just that, blind submission, and if you can't even submit to me when it comes to certain things, do you honestly think you're going to be able to submit to someone who expects submission for dark purposes?
"I kept so much from you about my time serving him, but now I see maybe I should have told you, talked to you about it instead of trying to protect you, if not right off the bat, then after Julian was born. Maybe then we wouldn't be in this situation.
"Evie, are you going to be able to watch, submit to just watching people die and be powerless to do anything, to think anything, to feel anything? That was the most difficult thing I ever had to do in my life, and the one time he asked me to kill...if Nott hadn't been impatient and sent it off himself, I would have had to kill someone innocent, a child, the last remaining member of a family the bastard took the lives of. And guilt still plagues me even though I never had to kill. Why? Because I should have stopped them from happening. I should have put my life on the line instead of watching the elderly die, those our parents age die, children die, even babies younger than Julian is now who could have had their chance at life if I hadn't been so afraid to die, if I hadn't been so damn selfish.
"My life is filled with 'what ifs,' guilt, regrets...and Evie, I can't let you go through what I had to when spying. I can't. I promised to protect you, to love you seven years ago, and I intend to keep that promise, and I don't feel I would be doing either, just letting you go into this when I know what it's like, how it feels, how full of despair it makes you, how hopeless, how sick....
"Evie, are you honestly going to be able to stand there and torture your own friends in battle? You could have to go further, could have to kill. You say your worst fear is losing our son and me. What if you have to kill us or all three of us die, or even just kill me? Would you be able to do that? Would you be able to live with either of our deaths on your shoulders?
"Will you be able to live with such harsh nightmares that you wish you could just die in your sleep and never live to see another day? I've seen you and Julian die countless times over the years, lived with the fear that a Death Eater who's still loyal might just come about and try to finish us all off. I've seen our friends die, the rest of the Order. And sometimes, Evie, sometimes, even though I no longer am one, I'm behind that wand that delivers the death blow to you. My mind's replayed that one battle in the forest countless times, and I've seen you die because of it. I'm surprised I haven't woke you sometimes. If you ever wondered why I've been getting up earlier, now you know, but I didn't want you to suspect anything, so I never went to get anything from Pomfrey.
"I only fight you on this because I love you, because I care too much to see you needlessly risk your neck and submit to self torture. If he's managed to sneak up on you once before and get into your mind, what's to stop him from doing so again? What's to stop him from finding out you're spying?"
He shook his head, glancing at the ground. "Nothing's going to stop him, Evie. He could still manage it, if he ever suspects anything, and I'm not going to willingly let you go in there, but you know what? Nothing I say seems to matter to you, and you're going to go and do it anyway. So, why should I waste my breath?"
He stood from the armchair, letting out a sigh. I need to think. I'll be back at the school by dinner. Maybe by then something will have driven some sense into you.
Casey let his eyes linger on her for a moment before apparating out to Hogsmeade. He needed time to think, something to clear his head, but he wasn't sure quite what yet. He only hoped she didn't track him down unless it wasn't going to start a scene in the middle of the small pub he'd operated to, ordering himself a butterbeer. He'd not allow himself anything stronger for his son's sake, even if it was tempting to go for a firewhiskey.
Evie listened to Casey explain what he went through during his time as a Death Eater, she knew, or at least she thought she knew what she would have to do. But, when he told her that he was ordered to kill a child Evie nearly turned white. She couldn’t do that; she couldn’t kill a innocent child, not with one of her own, not at all. That would be like murdering Julian…She looked down, all thought of yelling at him for saying if she acted more like an adult, gone out the window.
She thought for sure that she was ready to handle what Voldemort threw at her, thought she would be able to handle it all. Evie was sure of it…but now, she wasn’t. She could handle a lot, it would take a lot of acting and self control but she was willing to do what ever it would take to keep Julian safe. But that was just it, now Evie wasn’t sure what she was doing. Casey’s little speech opened her eyes to what was to come for her. Showed her that she was a fool to think that she would be able to do anything but cause more problems for the Order. She didn’t want her son to see his mum killed, or his dad, or anyone for that matter. She didn’t want Julian to come visit one of them in the hospital or visit one of their graves. Evie didn’t want to be put in to a situation where she would have to possibly choose, choose who she wanted to live; her husband or her son.
She lifted her eyes just in time to see Casey stand from his chair, not really hearing what he said about needing to think, just hearing ‘Hogsmeade’, and ‘think’. The small popping sound of Casey apparating out brought Evie back to her senses somewhat. He was right, she had to get out of their before she did end up dead. Evie’s whole point of siding with Voldemort was to stay alive so Julian would have a mother, she felt so stupid! Only caring about her own life at that point in time in the forest. Siding with him to keep herself alive!
Evie ran a hand through her hair, letting out a large sigh, feeling the sudden burn on her left arm. She almost forgot about the mark, it started burning when they were near the forest and it gradually started to burn more, but she ignored it during their fight, to full of anger to pay any mind to the pain. But now it was a searing pain. With a slight grimace Evie pulled back her sleeve to reveal her dark mark, it looked more like a gaping hole in her skin with how black it turned. She had to leave, had to go to him at least this once; if she didn’t, then Julian would be as good as dead before they had any chance to get him into hiding.
Standing from her chair that she sat herself down in Evie walked to the work desk the two of them shared and took out a piece of parchment, grabbing a quill from the ink well and scribbled a note to her husband.
Casey,
I know you don’t want me to go back to him, but I have to. I have ignored his call for to long and if I do not show at least this once, Julian is as good as dead. If I don’t come to him now, then Voldemort will find Julian and kill him before we have any chance of putting him into hiding. Be angry with me all you want but I have to do this, and please, do not think that your words had no effect on me, everything you said I have taken to heart no matter what this may seem like to you. I know you worry about me, and that you are only trying to protect me and I am sorry for the worry I place on you now, but have faith in me. I will come back to you and I will fight like hell to make sure I do, I promise. But, you must get Julian and take him somewhere safe; consult the Order on a location because I fear HQ will not be safe for much longer if Voldemort somehow gets its location from me.
I love you Casey and I will never stop loving you no matter what happens. When
I return from this meeting I will go into hiding with our son, I have caused you enough worry and pain from this and I will do what ever you wish.
I have to go; I dare not make him wait any longer
Love always,
Evie
She set the quill back in the ink bottle and neatly folded the letter into three, taking the quill once again and quickly writing his name on the front, pushing back her chair and setting the letter in the center of the desk. Looking around one last time, letting her eyes linger on a picture of the three of them at Julian’s 3rd birthday. She had to do this, taking in a deep breath Evie apparated to the Forbidden Forest and waited, putting up her minds defense immediately, this time he would not get into her mind so easily
Velda apparted to the clearing in the forest that served as the meeting place for her lords servants. It still seemed unreal that he returned, but never the less she was ready to take back what was theres, to show those mudblood loving fools that they could not beat them so easily. She looked around with a sigh, their numbers were very few after the last battle with the Order and Potter. Very few indeed. Another few pop's announced the arrival of Parkinson and the other witless wonders and another announced the arrival of someone new.
This woman was young, and vaguely familar...Why....Of course, she was one of them...the traitors wife
"What is she doing here?" Velda hissed, pointing to Evie. "She's one of them, an Order member!"
Crabe and Goyle jumped at the sudden rise in Velda's voice and moved their way over to Evie ,grabbing one of her arms in each of their hands and holding her tightly so she couldn't get away. Velda crossed the distance between them in a few sweeping motions of her black robes and brought out her wand, pointing it at Evie's heart
"You think were fool enough to let you here when your husband did the same thing?...Do you think we would let one of your kind within our ranks so you can go report to that excuse of an Order?!"
Velda held her wand up more, the tip of the thing pressing into Evie's chest as she did. Evie looked at the woman before her with cold eyes and a set glare, trying to get her arms away from the two goons that had hold of them
"I suggest you put that thing away before someone gets hurt" Evie said darkly, staring down the red head in front of her, still trying to get her arms away from the iron grip of the stocky Crabe and Goyle
"You are in no position to tell me what to do Winslow!" Velda said stepping forward, causing her wand to push more into Evie, getting a slight grimace from the young woman
"Check my wrist if you feel so inclined" Evie said sharply, getting a cold look from Velda, she nodded at Goyle who was on Evie's left and he pulled back the sleeve of her robe to reveal the dark mark. Evie looked at her wrist and then to Velda with a mocking glare
"Now, I'm sure our lord will not be pleased to know that you have decreased his already low numbers." she jerked her arms away from the two that were holding her and straightened out her hooded robes, Evie stood to the side, crossing her arms and leaning against a tree as she waited for Voldemorts arrival. Her heart was pounding with the experience of it all. She had to keep up this cold personalty which didn't seem that hard with her dislike for them all already but from what Casey told her not even an hour ago, this wouldn't be that easy
Amie sat brushing through her soft black hair, mindlessly staring out the window. Thoughts whirled through her mind as she studied the slow life below. The Leaky Cauldron had been her dwellance lately, a nice room where she could see the busy or slow life below. It was easy to get lost watching all the large dots moving up and down the stone path.
A burning on her wrist brought her away from her train of thought. This hadn't happened for quite some time and it brough excitement into her small body. Dropping the brush on the ground she jumped to her feet, walking quickly to the small dresser by her bed. She grabbed her hat from a hook on the wall and laid it on her messy bed then tore through her clothes, retrieving some tight black pants and a loose black shirt. She didn't think she had ever gotten dressed so quickly.
The black-haired woman walked to the door quickly, retrieving her light brown jacket and putting on her hat halfway through the door. She walked down the stairs quickly, skipping quite a few steps on her way down. When she reached the bottom she collected herself, glancing around the place guardedly and walking outside slowly. She walked down the streets, keeping her head down low so her hat covered her face.
Careful to steer away from the crowds she sprinted into a dark alley quickly and apparated to where she was called. Her eyes closed as she concentrated on her Lord. A few brief moments of tight squeezing she opened her eyes, looking around in horror for a moment before calming herself. The Forbidden Forest. So close to Hogwarts... She ventured farther into the forest where she heard voices, concluding this was where the meeting was to be held.
She walked out of the denser part of the trees and leaned against a tree, watching Crabbe and Goyle grab some poor woman only a few years older than her. Recognizing another woman, but not knowing her name from previous years she raised a brow. Her curiosity winning her over she spoke, barely enough to be heard. "What's all the commotion?"
Velda snapped her head around to look at the tiny, meak looking woman that just arrived. She looked so weak, worthless, why did the Dark Lord let someone like this...girl..serve him? "It seems we have another spy in our midst" Velda said, using her wand to point at Evie "I'm sure you remeber that fool Winslow from 3 years ago...Well, meet the fools wife!" the angry red head said looking from Evie to Amie, still not convinced that Voldemort let this blood traitor as a Death Eater, not understanding why he didnt kill her on the spot...
Amie's eyes widened slightly, but she refused to show her surprise. So she lives... Pushing herself from the tree daintly she walked over, her face still expressionless as she could have it. "Evie err- Evelyn Winslow... Yes, Jessie Seams told me the 'sad tale' of how Winslow joined for the sake of the Order. Why would his caring wife betray him?" Her voice was quiet as it had been when she was a school girl, but it was what she could do that mattered. Pale hand slipped to her wand in her coat pocket, but her eyes never left Evie's face.
Evie looked down at Amie as she walked closer to her, shifting her weight to her other foot as if bored by all this questioning "Voldemort opened my eyes to something, showed me just how much of a forgiving fool I was all these years to my dear sweet husband..." she said with a noticable hint of anger and hatred in her voice
"So you joined the ranks of the Dark Lord to seek revenge upon your husband?" Amie asked, having a hard time believing that Evie and Casey were having relationship problems. Trying to supress a flinch as Evie said her Lord's name she let go of her wand and lightly folded her arms, no longer taking Evie as much of a threat. "But is it our place to question the desicion of our Lord?" She gave a meaningful glance at Crabbe and Goyle, determined not to cower to the large men in front of Evie. "Do you two take orders from her now and not our Lord? He may have laid dormant for all these years, but I think he can tell you whether or not to take one of his own captive."
"That is exactly the reason I joined..Casey betrayed me, everything was a lie and I see that now and I want my revenge for all the pain he has caused me. I have nothing left at that school and the Order is a joke after so many have died." Evie said, glancing from Amie to Velda, Crabe, Goyle, Pansy and the others "I want to see the look on their faces when I say the killing curse, the look of fear on their faces as the green light rushes at them..."
As Evie spoke Amie glanced around swiftly then rested her eyes back on her. She nodded and took a few steps back, murmuring. "Let's just hope you prove more loyal than past followers." She looked at Velda once more before retreating back to her tree, resuming the same posture she had before. (since Draco is inactive) Amie watched Malfoy apparate only a few a mere inches from Velda then walk over to Parkinson, murmuring a few things quietly to her.
Evie heard her words however faint they were, hoping she wouldnt be here long enough to have to prove anything like that. She looked around, trying to keep her fear hidden behind her 'anger' for her husband. But something was teetering in her mind, why did this girl that had talked to her seem so familar? Evie muled over this for a good amount of time, trying to remeber who she possibly could be..She looked an awfuly lot like Jamie, but Jamie had renounced Voldmort...No, wait, they all thought she was dead...It couldnt be Amie, could it?
The evil one had watched all the proceedings from his spot in the shadows. Without Nagini (seeing as Potter had destroyed her, her being a horcrux and all), he had no eyes to scout out for him, not even Wormtail. It was rather disappointing. Even that fool had been dependable in that way, doing everything on blind obedience. Well, it was good to at least know the few who remained were dependable. He let his red eyes flickered over to Winslow, wondering what she was thinking, hoping to get in without her knowledge, see how things had gone with her husband.
But at that point in time, Draco Malfoy had apparated in and started chattering with Parkinson, which distracted him, eyes flickering off to Draco and then letting out a sigh, deciding to announce his presence. They had all, if they were smart, known he was already there, lurking and waiting, testing them, but perhaps some weren't.
"I see my loyal followers have all gathered here today. Steward, how kind of you to show again, and Winslow, good to see your husband hasn't tried to follow you. Now, shall we all begin our plan of action? Does anyone know anything of Potter's whereabouts?"
Evie heard the cold voice of Voldemort, giving a bow of her head as he stepped out, lowering her eyes to the forest floor, "I dont think my husband will be of any problem any time soon my lord..." shaking her head at his question on Harry
Amie stooped low in a bow then cam back up, nodding at his recognition. She cleared her throat and said as he questioned them about Potter. "My Lord, I have no idea of the whereabouts of Potter, but I may know one or two who do. One has proven to be a unloyal follower in the past, but to get information from her should be quite simple. Jamie Seams and Natalie Seams."
"Jamie would never give up information on Potter" Evie said casting a glance at Amie or information on anything for that matter, "she has denounced everything about the dark cause"
"She'll gladly blab away to me. I can guarantee that." Amie replied, narrowing her eyes at her, distrust showing brightly through them.
Evie returned the glare "talking to a sister that she has not seen in years...Seems a bit farfetched to me" she replied coldly "your gone for years and now you show up wanting information on Potter?" Jamie would see through that in an instant
"This would not be a short term mission. I could take up a job near Hogwarts...perhaps the Three Broomsticks. The new waitress is getting many complaints. This is only a suggestion, my Lord." Amie replied, facing Voldemort and lowering her eyes to the ground.
Evie shook her head as if it would never work you have been away for to long, "Jamie is not fool, she doesnt even know where Harry is, his wareabouts are secret, only the heads of the Order know"
"If I didnt know any better Winslow, I would say your trying to keep us from finding something out about Potter" Velda said tauntingly, leaning casualy aganist a tree with her arms crossed, her balck robes clashiing horribly with her pale skin, her sharp green eyes moving back and forth between Amie and Evie