Post by Trevor Williams on Sept 20, 2009 21:32:29 GMT -8
Lucy M. Winslow
.x.
December 23, 2010
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Enough was enough! It was bad enough that Death Eaters were ruling the wizarding world. It was bad enough that instead of actually doing something, they were simply sitting around like ducks waiting for something to happen, but so help her, she couldn't figure out what that something was, and it was driving her around the bend! It was bad enough that Sam was making her resent him. It was bad enough that she was feeling like an incompetent mother because she couldn't do with Isabella what all she wanted to do with her because thanks to her "husband" she was stuck in this hell hole. Right now she was feeling like she would much rather be out risking her neck in that world they used to call home instead of stuck in this stupid mansion doing very little. She hated feeling like this. She hated being upset, discontent, restless. It wasn't her.
This war (and right now it seemed the war was over as far as she was concerned with the fact that the Order was doing nothing) and Sam Winslow were turning her into someone she couldn't recognize. What happened to Lucy Anderson, that bright-eyed Hufflepuff with hopes and dreams beyond that of mere rebellion, the girl who wasn't a woman simply living on desire to retaliate and do something she knew her husband would go crazy knowing she did? It was a dangerous feeling, but who the hell cared? Wasn't like he was being much of a husband right now, now was he? Husbands didn't exactly tell their wives to stay in one place, to be a good mother, and then argue when she said she wanted to go out walking for an hour and wanted him to watch the baby.
Honestly, was that so much to ask? Ugh! Right now she just wanted to kill him. But it wouldn't bring nearly as much of a sense of satisfaction as doing something to displease him, yet what was she doing? She was in the bloody kitchen making cookies! It wasn't even useful or productive. She needed to do something that was useful or productive or at least fun to do. Living in a boring environment and looking after a baby all the time with no outlet was not exactly what she had foreseen for her life when she'd married Sam or joined the Order. Maybe she should have taken his reluctance and the fact that he had taken so long to ask her to marry him and then so long to have a child with her as a bad omen and avoided him like the plague, but she'd been so foolish, so blinded by love and foolish hope.
This wasn't the life she'd wanted. It wasn't the house with the white picket fence (not that she actually wanted something that conservative) and the husband coming home while the children ran through the sprinklers in the hot summer sun and she was preparing dinner. He wasn't her knight in shining armor and she his princess as they had jokingly referred to each other as that Yule Ball that seemed so long ago. He was just Sam, her husband, her captor. Yet he was anti-slavery, was he? Well, he should take a good look in the mirror. What had happened to the Sam who had taken the time to get to know a muggle establishment enough to do something so sweet as to propose to her in a movie theatre? He'd planned it all, the interruption in the movie, paid the people to play their song as a slideshow with pictures of her and pictures of them while he said some sweet words and bent down on one knee.
What happened to her Sam? She didn't recognize this one. This one didn't make her weak in the knees or make her feel wanted or special or empowered. This one made her feel weak and needy, and she hated it beyond belief. She wasn't sure if they would make it beyond the war, and that thought scared her to death. It hurt, and she didn't know how to deal with it. She didn't want to lose him, but what choice did she have? He was the one alienating her even if he was well-intentioned in what he was doing, and he was the one who would have to make the steps towards putting them on the mend. She wouldn't. She couldn't. She loved him, but pride wouldn't allowed it. She wasn't the one with the problem. He was.
((Just reposting in case Layni remakes Bridget and since I deleted Nadia's acct.))