Post by morgana on Jan 10, 2010 3:48:40 GMT -8
The voice whispering the truth inside her head knew he was panicking. It was easy to see that he was scared of loosing his safety option tonight. He had finally be proven wrong. He had finally been discovered and now he was lying to fix it. He was lying about his feelings for Natalya, he was lying about his feelings for Evie at the very least. He had been happy with her. He was never really going to leave her. She was giving him a child and a new life and a home just like the one he lost. Why would he give that all up for her. The truth was that had she not been taken he wouldn't have given her up. Not to mention the fact that Trevor was lying again. She could hardly see him telling Evie or crying on her body. She could hardly see Trevor backing his wife into a wall screaming and forcing her to say that she had not killed his mistress under the duress of a unbreakable. Doubtful, especially since his darling wife was pregnant. He was just lying again. Lying and panicking.
No amount of begging that he did, or pleading that he did would change that. No amount of her telling him to change would change him. He would always be Trevor, the constant politician, the ever constant Lord of the wizardry world. He would never be Trevor her husband, or Trevor the father of her children. Even if he was it would never be true. It would never be of his own free will and even if it was there would always be another woman. There would always be that first choice- the Natalya, the Evie. It would never be her because if she did not stop this now she knew it would keep going. She knew that if he for some reason actually married her she wouldn't be the only one and she deserved better than that. After all these years of waiting for a man who treated her the way she needed to be treated to have to settle for second...it wasn't right.
But here he was, the most powerful man in the country begging for her forgiveness. There he was telling her that he had always loved her and that he was just scared of that. Surely she could understand being frightened of loving someone? Surely she could understand how hard it must be for him after everything with Anna? She could. She didn't know how he had survived that and Anna had been his excuse for everything all along. But what about her? What about her with the way he acted tonight. Surely he could understand how scared she was seeing him like that after he knew about her first marriage. Surely he could understand how hard it must have been for her to trust him at all in the beginning after he knew that the first love of her life tried to kill her, had beaten her almost beyond recognition on a normal basis? Did that matter at all to him? She had had hurtles to over come too! He wasn't the only damaged cargo in this relationship!
But he had loved her. He had loved her from the minute he almost lost her. But would it take him losing her again to find that out? Would she have to try to walk out the door every day to try to keep him in this as much as she had invested herself in this? Was that what it would take? If it was she couldn't do it any more. She couldn't go through running out the door and having him fetch her back with pretty words and sad tears. It was too much for any one person to handle and she had handled so much for him already. She had been there so long already. Even this tender moment felt more like a punishment than a confession of love.
If she said no she could kill this relationship. If she said no, she would hurt him and end this for good. But if she said yes, if she let him get away with this and walk all over her again. If the words I love you meant that much to her that she would sacrifice her dignity and her self worth just to hear them from his mouth now and again who knows how many years from now after being walked over time and time and time again were they really worth it. Maybe it wasn't right to make a decision now. It certainly wasn't. There was a funeral to arrange. There was mourning to be done and press to deal with. If they did anything at all now it would look to everyone as if she killed that woman and after so many years to end up with that over her head. It wasn't what she wanted at all. There was nothing to be done tonight. There was nothing more to be done from her end. She had to think. He had to think. He really had to do some serious thinking because from what she could tell he was in shock and denial if nothing else. His decisions now would be as he said: rash and meaningless and that was no way to start things.
Why did he do this to her? Why did he always make her so weak and sorry!? Why did things like this always end with her saying yes. With her compromising everything she wanted and everything she ever worked for just to get him to stay one more minute in one more day when she knew deep down that he didn't want her and would just turn on her again and again. And yet here she was. She was stuck the same way she had been in her first marriage; stuck with a man who was going to kill her before he was going to truly love her the way she deserved and she couldn't even will herself to say no and walk out the door until a knife was held to her throat.
She stood there quietly, resigned to her fate and let out a shuddering sigh. "You have a wife and a child to mourn and a daughter to take care of. She...she will be hurting terribly all things considered and she needs you right now and, all things considered I think you need her just as much. I have press to control, releases to draft, and press hawks to tame from every side so we can respect your family as much as possible. You just lost your wife Trevor. There are bigger things to worry about than me right now...than...than us right now; much bigger." There. She had done it again. Hoisted the white flag and submitted. When would she ever learn...
No amount of begging that he did, or pleading that he did would change that. No amount of her telling him to change would change him. He would always be Trevor, the constant politician, the ever constant Lord of the wizardry world. He would never be Trevor her husband, or Trevor the father of her children. Even if he was it would never be true. It would never be of his own free will and even if it was there would always be another woman. There would always be that first choice- the Natalya, the Evie. It would never be her because if she did not stop this now she knew it would keep going. She knew that if he for some reason actually married her she wouldn't be the only one and she deserved better than that. After all these years of waiting for a man who treated her the way she needed to be treated to have to settle for second...it wasn't right.
But here he was, the most powerful man in the country begging for her forgiveness. There he was telling her that he had always loved her and that he was just scared of that. Surely she could understand being frightened of loving someone? Surely she could understand how hard it must be for him after everything with Anna? She could. She didn't know how he had survived that and Anna had been his excuse for everything all along. But what about her? What about her with the way he acted tonight. Surely he could understand how scared she was seeing him like that after he knew about her first marriage. Surely he could understand how hard it must have been for her to trust him at all in the beginning after he knew that the first love of her life tried to kill her, had beaten her almost beyond recognition on a normal basis? Did that matter at all to him? She had had hurtles to over come too! He wasn't the only damaged cargo in this relationship!
But he had loved her. He had loved her from the minute he almost lost her. But would it take him losing her again to find that out? Would she have to try to walk out the door every day to try to keep him in this as much as she had invested herself in this? Was that what it would take? If it was she couldn't do it any more. She couldn't go through running out the door and having him fetch her back with pretty words and sad tears. It was too much for any one person to handle and she had handled so much for him already. She had been there so long already. Even this tender moment felt more like a punishment than a confession of love.
If she said no she could kill this relationship. If she said no, she would hurt him and end this for good. But if she said yes, if she let him get away with this and walk all over her again. If the words I love you meant that much to her that she would sacrifice her dignity and her self worth just to hear them from his mouth now and again who knows how many years from now after being walked over time and time and time again were they really worth it. Maybe it wasn't right to make a decision now. It certainly wasn't. There was a funeral to arrange. There was mourning to be done and press to deal with. If they did anything at all now it would look to everyone as if she killed that woman and after so many years to end up with that over her head. It wasn't what she wanted at all. There was nothing to be done tonight. There was nothing more to be done from her end. She had to think. He had to think. He really had to do some serious thinking because from what she could tell he was in shock and denial if nothing else. His decisions now would be as he said: rash and meaningless and that was no way to start things.
Why did he do this to her? Why did he always make her so weak and sorry!? Why did things like this always end with her saying yes. With her compromising everything she wanted and everything she ever worked for just to get him to stay one more minute in one more day when she knew deep down that he didn't want her and would just turn on her again and again. And yet here she was. She was stuck the same way she had been in her first marriage; stuck with a man who was going to kill her before he was going to truly love her the way she deserved and she couldn't even will herself to say no and walk out the door until a knife was held to her throat.
She stood there quietly, resigned to her fate and let out a shuddering sigh. "You have a wife and a child to mourn and a daughter to take care of. She...she will be hurting terribly all things considered and she needs you right now and, all things considered I think you need her just as much. I have press to control, releases to draft, and press hawks to tame from every side so we can respect your family as much as possible. You just lost your wife Trevor. There are bigger things to worry about than me right now...than...than us right now; much bigger." There. She had done it again. Hoisted the white flag and submitted. When would she ever learn...