Post by ianto on Jun 8, 2012 23:20:55 GMT -8
She fought him for a few moments, but Ianto persisted and soon enough she was in his lap. Her arms wrapped around his waist, which wasn't so bad, but her head on his chest certainly stung. She had done more damage there than around his waist. Still he didn't stop what he was doing, and managed to keep the slight hiss that wanted to escape his lips down. He hurt in several places like a bitch, but this was more important. Then again he almost liked the pain. Almost enjoyed the sharp feeling as he moved back and forth slowly, rocking Evie. It was a constant reminder that he was alive. A constant reminder of the pain in his soul that found no peace.
Everything was still real, it had still happened, this was reality. This wasn't his dreams, where his wife spoke to him, and then died, only to speak to him more. She died, lived, died, and lived in the span of what seemed hours but was probably seconds. Her. Iwan. His parents. Alive, dead, flickering through their lives and his memories faster than he could ever catch them. And then he just slipped along the kitchen floor in their blood. He cut himself, every night in every dream, in every memory. And he wasn't allowed to die. It was his resolution. Ianto Sayer wasn't allowed to die yet. Life would not let him be until he had revenge, until their souls could be at peace. And then he would be able to slip away to whatever hell awaited him in his dreams. He wouldn't wake up. He wouldn't have to face sunshine, happy people, and trying to figure out why he always got his eggs in an omelet instead of soft boiled, like before. And the billion other things that had stayed the same or changed since it all had happened.
Still, he was lost in his thoughts deeply as he held Evie. The pain a constant reminder of his life and what it was. What he had to do. She finally moved away from him, and was pulling him up to his feet. He stood, following her almost meekly at this point. Lost in his thoughts, in his pain, in his inner demons. There was a billion things going through his mind. He had peace of a sort, and yet... he wanted more peace. He almost hoped there was nothing when he died. No heaven, no hell, none of it. That he could slip off into nothingness so he could rest properly. That was the best he could hope for.
Evie pressed the cold pack to his lips, and Ianto suddenly realized she had asked him a question. Startled deep blue eyes blinked a few times before they focused on her. What had she asked? His mind whirled, trying to recall what she had said even though he had completely missed it. She could only be asking about one thing. Why? Why hadn't he stopped it sooner? One of his hands moved, capturing hers on the ice pack and he gave her a serious, level look. He would be honest with her, and maybe she would be disgusted by it, but maybe... just maybe she would understand. "Because I needed it." He needed the pain, felt like he deserved it. This sort of thing never happened to him before of course. He never had a moment where he had been hit and liked it, but this was something else completely different. There wasn't anything sexual about it, at least not in his mind. Not at the time. Maybe it could be taken like that, but it wasn't the case. His hand dropped away from hers and he leaned back in the seat. Suddenly looking around the room and catching the clock.
There. The first actual frown on his face since this whole mess started. His day was off. His plans for the entire day were now skewed and screwed, to say the least. He scowled for a second, before he realized that the action stung more than it should have and his lips were bleeding in protest. She really had done a number on him. "I think most of these cuts and bruises can be taken care of by a few minor spells. There isn't anything broken, just... a little worse for wear." Nothing was broken, but he was down playing the damage. He couldn't make her feel worse about it. If she did this to Trevor, in no way shape or form would Ianto stop her once she got started. She could kill him, he was just going to be in the background to make sure it got done... if he didn't explode first. Simple as that.